


My Heart is With You Always

by Aille



Series: Golden Dragon [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Clueless Sirius, Discontinued but not abandoned, Established Relationship, M/M, Mates, Missing in Action, Mpreg, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8494681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aille/pseuds/Aille
Summary: Harry wakes up & Severus is missing.  Set directly after ‘Here With Me’ in the Golden Dragon Series.





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I don't own them... She does *points to JKR* and I am making no money from this, I'm just enjoying sharing some of my own crazy ideas.

Severus woke up from a dead sleep; it taking only seconds to realize what woke him when his left arm started to burn again. The Dark Lord was calling his servants to his side. Careful not to waken his sleeping lover, he extracted himself from their bed, pausing only to brush his lips over Harry’s temple.

Moving silently through the room, he quickly got dressed and exited the bedroom. Stopping twice on his way out of the chambers, once at his desk and once to get his cloak and mask, he was quickly gone.

 

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Harry rolled over in his sleep, reaching out to the place his husband normally laid. Slowly working his way into consciousness, he cracked open one blurry eye, only to confirm what his arm already told him, Severus wasn’t there. Reaching out blindly towards the end table, he made a half-hearted attempt to find his glasses. After the morning he had yesterday, he’d learned that moving too fast when he first got up made his stomach lurch.

Finding his glasses, the world came into sharp focus and he put his hand on his still flat stomach, smiling. At least today he knew why he’d been feeling ill lately. Yesterday had been such a shock. He still didn’t understand how this could have happened. Severus had said it was something to do with their soul bond. Harry knew that he would be spending a fair amount of time in the restricted section of the library over the next few days reading up on Soul Mates, if only to find out what other surprises he had in front of him. Hermione would be pleased at least; she’d at least have someone to keep her company as she studied.

Trying to sit up in bed caused the fast becoming normal morning stomachache to lurch. Clamping one had over his mouth, Harry ran for the bathroom, barely making it in time to the porcelain god. After what seemed like hours and every meal he had eaten in the past week, he laid his head on the seat, silently cursing his husband. He had said just yesterday that he would be here to help him, so where the hell was he?

Slowly raising his head off the seat, Harry reached over to the sink and grabbed the bottle that had been sitting there. ‘If there was one good thing about having a Potions Master for a husband, its morning sickness potions,’ he thought as he drank it down.

Now that his stomach was under some control, he slowly stood up and started his morning rituals. He needed to make an appearance in the Great Hall at lunch today, or people would really start to believe that their most feared Professor had killed him.

The first thing Harry did was brush his teeth and get the acid taste out of his mouth. He couldn’t help but smile around his toothbrush; this was one of the few things that Hermione still got on his case about. It had seemed like they were never going to get her to respond to them again after her kidnapping and subsequent return, but one day he had forgotten to brush his teeth when he woke up, then went to visit her. She had noticed immediately and started going on about personal hygiene and how he needed to brush his teeth when he first got up in the morning. Of course, halfway through her rant she broke down into tears. It had been nearly a month since then and she almost seemed her normal self again, already caught up and ahead in her studies and immersed in her Head Girl duties. There was one change though, she insisted on having hand-to-hand fighting training, after being without her wand for over a month, she never wanted to feel so helpless again. At Severus’s insistence, Harry had joined in on the lessons as well.

Placing his toothbrush down on the edge of the sink (and barely registering it clatter to the floor), he fingered his chin. Absentmindedly he wondered if he should try and grow a beard, then started to laugh as the image of him sporting a scraggily beard while eight months pregnant popped into his mind. Reaching for his razor and shaving cream, he wished for an easier way to do this. He always felt nervous while running the straight blade up his neck, even though it was from a wizarding shaving kit and so was charmed to give the closest shave possible without breaking the skin, it just made him edgy. Going through the motions, he quickly shaved and then picked up his aftershave with some hesitation, the other day it had made him nauseous. Deciding that he didn’t want to chance it this morning, he put the bottle back without opening it.

Finally, he stepped into the shower. Unsure as to if he was alone in their rooms or not, Harry refrained from singing that morning. He knew he couldn’t sing and didn’t want to subject anyone else to the pain of hearing him sing. The only time that he allowed himself the sadistic pleasure of singing in the shower, was when he was absolutely sure that no one could hear him.

Once he finished up, he grabbed a large fluffy towel, wrapped it around himself and padded back to the bedroom, hoping to find his lover there.

Looking around the room, he realized the other man had yet to return from where ever he was. Sighing, Harry picked out a pair of over sized sweatpants and sweatshirt to wear for the day, wanting to be comfortable. Last night they had talked about all the different tests that he would have to go through to make sure the baby was fine. Harry wasn’t exactly looking forward to going through them. As much as he trusted Severus, he had never had a good experience with doctors until he had entered Hogwarts. As such, he only trusted Madam Pomfrey and Severus with his health. However, unless he was going to live in the school next year (which he dearly hoped he could), he was going to have to find a new doctor. At any rate, he was going to have to find an obstetrician to help them through the pregnancy. This was one thing that Madam Pomfrey just couldn’t help him with.

Muttering under his breath, Harry made his way into the living area of their chambers, looking for some sign of his husband. Looking around the room, he noticed that Severus’s cloak was missing from the stand by the door and that one of the secret compartments that were in the wall was open.

“Damn it Severus, what the hell did you give me last night?” He said to the empty room while absentmindedly rubbing at his scar, knowing that at some time during the night it must have flared up.

Fuming, he made his way over to the desk, muttering under his breath the whole time. “Bloody well better of left me a note… knows I want to be woken up if he gets called… probably didn’t even let Albus know… thinks he can do this on his own… has a family to think about now... Stupid, inconsiderate, greasy git...” he could have kept going save for the fact he saw the letter sitting there with his name on it.

Reaching out with a shaking hand, he picked up the letter with a feeling of dread. He wanted to blame his changing hormones for the overwhelming fear that was clutching at his heart, but this happened every time Harry woke to find him gone. Not that it happened often, at least compared to the rest of the Death Eaters; Draco’s father was called at least once a week, where Sev was called only a couple of times a month and not at all since Hermione had been sent back to the school the month before. No, this wasn’t the first time Severus had done this, though; he normally woke his young husband up after the first time he hadn’t woken Harry up and ended up sleeping alone for a week. Harry hadn’t invoked that punishment again, as it had been hell for him as well. It had been the only time in the last eight months that he had actually slept in the other bedroom.

Flipping the folded paper open, he started to read:

‘Dear Harry,

I know by now you have probably already called me every name you could think of…’

“Damn straight!”

‘...but I didn’t want to worry you now that we have the baby to think about. You need your sleep to keep the both of you healthy.

It is about three in the morning, so I expect I’ll be home before you ever get this. However, if I’m not home by then, do not worry; Riddle won’t risk his Potions Master by sending him out on a raid.

Riddle knows I must contact Albus by lunchtime if I am going to be gone for the full day. If I do not send word or am not back by noon, get the Old Fox. You know the code for a message from me, for it will be sent to you, not him. The Old Fox knows this, so if he gets an owl, he will know something is wrong.

Rest and take care of yourself, do not worry about me.

My heart is with you always,

Severus Snape’

Harry read through the short letter twice before letting it fall from his limp fingers, staring at the place it had been in his hand. The only time Severus ever mentioned the noon deadline was when he expected a problem. Maybe it was because of the baby and he just wanted to be careful, but that cold hard fear that was starting to get a hold of him before, now held him tight in it’s grasp.

Glancing at the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, Harry felt his heart clinch and his stomach turn. It was already 11:18, with no word from his husband. Even the most complicated potions that the Dark Lord usually wanted only needed five to six hours of consistent watching. If it was something that took longer to make, Severus always came back to the school to make it.

Worrying his bottom lip with his teeth, Harry took a seat behind the desk and tried to calm himself down. He needed to go up to the Great Hall for lunch at 11:30 and time was slipping away from him quickly. It wouldn’t do for his friends to realize that something was wrong. He was going to get enough questions as it was about his mysterious illness from the day before. He didn’t know what to say about that, other than he was sick and he had been kept back from class. He didn’t want to let anyone know he was pregnant just yet because that would just raise questions that neither he, nor Severus were ready to answer.

Taking a deep breath, he stood up and left the rooms, making his way to the Great Hall, praying there would be an owl waiting for him there.


	2. The Longest Lunch Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes being with friends isn't always the best thing

Harry tried to slip into the Great Hall without being noticed, he really didn't want to be bothered with too many questions today. It was already bothering him that he was going to have to lie about his health, but now he was going to have to lie about why he was so worried and why Professor Snape was not at the Head Table, if anyone asked. Everyone knew where he was spending the school year, so if they had any questions about the man, they were usually directed towards Harry.

Much to his dismay, Harry found that he had arrived late for lunch, so many people had noticed his entrance and Ron was waving him over to a free spot between him and Hermione. Keeping his features schooled, he made his way over to his friends. The little group that sat together had changed several times over the years as people came and went, but this year the little group was the talk of the school. Or at least it had been since it settled together around Christmas time. Of course, as it had been since first year, it was Ron, Hermione and himself, yet it now also had Neville, Ginny and Draco (much to Ron's dismay). There were also many missing faces from the little group; a fellow Gryffindor, who was now in the Ministry's custody, killed Pavarti and Lavender. Little Dennis Creevey, who had joined the Quidditch team the year before, was killed in a Death Eater attack only a few weeks before in Hogsmeade, along with his girlfriend, a fight year Hufflepuff. And finally Colin Creevey, who had left for home shortly after his brother’s death, his parents having pulled him out of school, not being able to deal with the fact that there was a war going on. Not that Harry blamed them, he wasn't sure if he wanted to raise a child in a war torn world, especially since he was one of the most hunted people in said war.

Taking his seat at the table, he tried to smile at everyone while grabbing some of the food in front of him and putting it on his plate.

"Hey guys," he mumbled around his first mouthful of food, once again thankful for his husband potion making skills.

"Hey Harry, how you doing mate?" Ron asked while looking him over and shoving a forkful of mashed potatoes in his mouth. "You do look like you've been sick. Did the greasy git really poison you like he's been promising?" He was laughing as he asked, so missed the pained expression that quickly passed over Harry's face, but Hermione didn't.

Trying to sound light hearted, Harry answered. "No Ron, Professor Snape didn't poison me. I was just really sick yesterday. That greasy get was actually really nice to me yesterday. He brewed up a potion to help me feel better and even helped me get back to my room when I could barely walk yesterday but needed to get back after being sick in the loo." Which was something he had really done, but it had been because Harry had had another bout of morning sickness when their lunch had arrived and the smell sent him back to the toilet.

"Really?" Ron breathed, "Who'd have thought the over grown bat would have a heart?" Ginny hit her brother in the arm while Neville nodded and Draco and Hermione looked thoughtful.

"Really." Harry looked annoyed, "and I'm sure the man has a heart, we just don't get to see it that often." Sighing, Harry turned back to his food. After emptying out his stomach earlier that morning, he felt positively starving. He couldn't help but steal a glance at his watch though and nearly choked one a mouthful of mashed potatoes when he saw it was 11:50. Ten minutes left and still nothing.

Suddenly losing his appetite, he let his fork drop to his plate with a clatter, while trying to swallow the mouthful he had. The potatoes no longer tasted light, buttery and moist, but like sawdust. After a moment he realized that everyone was looking at him and he blushed. "Sorry," he mumbled, "still not feeling good." It was a reasonable excuse, as he was feeling like he was now going to bring up what little food he had managed to get down.

Leaning in close to him, Hermione whispered into his ear. "Harry, where's Professor Snape? He didn't' show up at breakfast this morning either."

Turning his head to look at her, "I don't know, he wasn't around this morning. He was supposed to let me know if I was well enough to re-join the student body, but he never showed up and I was really hungry." He toyed around with the food on his plate. "Er... at least I was; now I don't feel good again."

"You don't think he was..." she glanced at the others, but they were already engrossed in a debate about Quidditch, "called?"

Harry toyed with his food some more, trying to decide what to say to her. She was the only other person he knew personally who had made it through this war with as many tragedies as Severus and himself. Taking a deep breath, he answered, "I... I know he was. He should have been back by now and I'm getting worried. He gave me something last night so I could sleep and I slept through anything my scar could have given us."

She listened to him as he rambled on, her own experience in the hands of those monsters still fresh in her memory. She knew the Professor was one of the few Death Eaters who hadn't tortured her in one form or another during her month long captivity. He had also been one of the ones who had helped heal her when she finally got back. She also knew that much of the animosity between the two men was just for show. It didn't take much to realize that Harry liked the Professor and that they were friends in private; there were just little things they did for each other that was really sweet, like Snape taking care of Harry himself yesterday instead of sending him to the hospital wing. Of course, that was when they weren't at each other's throats. Oh they still fought quite often, yet it didn't seem to have the same sting it used to. Actually, it had been one of the things her and Remus had talked about before she had been taken; the two of them seemed to be dancing around each other, not wanting to admit their feelings. It really was obvious if one stopped and took a closer look at the situation. Even she had to admit that Professor Snape wasn't as bad as he seemed a couple of years before.

"When will you know?" She didn't want to make him any more nervous than he already seemed to be, not that many would be able to tell.

"If there is no message by noon, then I have go see the Head Master." He pushed the mashed potatoes around his plate some more, not feeling like eating.

She grinned, "Then you're in luck," pointing to a dark brown barn owl that had just flown into the room. "Looks like an owl is coming now."

Letting his fork clatter to the table again, Harry raised his head expectantly, his eyes snapping to the owl immediately. As it swooped towards the Head Table, he started to pale. "Oh bloody hell, I'm going to be sick." As the owl landed in front of the Head Master, on the stroke of noon, Harry Potter was seen running from the Great Hall with one hand over his mouth.


	3. Who Ever Said the Truth Didn't Hurt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the heat of the moment, secrets don't always stay that way.

Laying his head on the porcelain of the toilet seat, Harry groaned, feeling completely worn out, his stomach finally giving up on trying to eject any and all food he had put into it. Hearing the bathroom door open, he groaned again, not wanting to have to deal with any questions from anyone just yet, he still needed to pull himself together to see the Headmaster.

"Harry?"

Groaning louder, Harry peeled himself from the floor and opened the stall door. "Sirius," he splashed some water on his face.

"Harry, Dumbledore wants to see you up in office, but if you're sick I can tell him that you can't." He was looking at his godson with concern. "You really don't look good, maybe you should go see Madam Pomfrey instead." He draped an arm around the younger mans shoulders.

"I'm fine Sirius," Harry tried to sound convincing, "my stomach is just a bit off." He smiled up at his godfather, hoping it didn't look as forced as it felt. "I better get up to the Headmaster's office if he sent you to find me in the loo."

"Yeah, well, he sent Moony to get the rest of your gang and he's told me to come up with you. Wouldn't tell me what it's about though, just said it was important that we're all there."

"See, I'd have to go any way, now wouldn't I?" He poked his godfather in the side. "Now lets get going before they send a search party." He wrapped an arm around Sirius' waist in an unconscious request for support.

Sirius gripped his shoulder, frowned down at him when he wasn't looking and sighed. "Yeah, lets go."

They left the washroom and made their way through the school.

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It was all Harry could do not to start shaking like a leaf as he and Sirius stepped onto the spiral staircase that went up to the Headmasters office. The closer he got to the office, the more certain he was that there was something desperately wrong with his husband. His husband that only one other person knew he was married to.

As they reached the landing, they saw that Professor Hellfire and Madam Nurr were talking quietly, both looking anxious. Sirius cleared his throat, gaining their attention. "Is everyone here yet?"

Nodding, Madam Nurr came over to the other side of Sirius and wrapped her arm around him too. "We're the last, Professor Hellfire and I thought that we would wait out here for you two. I wanted to see how Harry was first." She smiled across Sirius' broad chest, looking up at Harry. "How are you feeling dear?"

Trying to smile, but failing miserably, "I'm feeling a bit better Madam Nurr."

"Well, come to see me if that stomach problem of yours continues. I have tea that will help." She winked at him then laughed. "Come on gentlemen, we've procrastinated enough, it's time to go in."

With that the four of them entered the room.

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Separating himself from Sirius, Harry moved over to his husband's chair and took a seat in it, needing a tangible thing of his husbands to hold onto. This chair was normally pushed to the side of the room and only taken out when Severus was up here. Harry supposed that the Headmaster knew he needed it today, for it was situated right in front of the desk.

Taking a deep breath, taking in the scent of old leather, he grounded himself. He then took a look around the room. Hermione, Ron, Neville, Ginny and Draco were all there for the students; those who were missing had been killed in the attack at Hogsmeade and not replaced yet. Remus, Sirius, Madam Nurr and Professors McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, and Hellfire were there as well. It was just about everyone who was a part of the Order of Phoenix, save for a few Ministry members.

Fear clenched in Harry's chest, the Order was never called together like this outside of regular meetings unless something was wrong. And he was certain he already knew what exactly was wrong.

Finally, after seeing who else from the Order was there, he turned his gaze to the desk in front of him, to meet the gaze of Albus Dumbledore. The normally twinkling gaze was devoid of its normal spark; instead was dull and full of worry. Harry could not remember ever seeing the Headmaster ever look like this, it made 'The Old Man' that he and Severus teased him of being, truly look like an old man.

Not wanting to be the one to start, he gave a nod to the Professor, though if Dumbledore had not been watching for it, it would have been missed.

Clearing his throat, Dumbledore commanded the attention of everyone in the room. "I know that most of you are wondering why I have called you all here." There were murmurs of accent from around the room. "I fear we have a problem that must be addressed immediately for it affects the Order directly. One of our highest-ranking members has been taken captive; however I have reason to believe he is still alive. The owl that arrived at lunch today, although was in his hand writing, it was not in the code agreed upon."

Breaking in, "Who's the operative Albus?" Remus asked, while putting an arm around Hermione who had started to shake.

"Ahh, I was just getting to that my dear boy. It was Severus who was taken. It seems our last link to the inner circle has been broken, but we must get him back, alive." By this point he had made his way around the desk and hand placed a restraining hand on Harry's shoulder, who was growing pale again.

Hermione had by this point buried her head into Remus' shoulder and was crying softly.

"I know some of you have adverse feelings towards Severus..." the Headmaster shot a poignant look at Sirius. "However, I ask that you put aside petty differences for the sake of good. Severus has known for years that this was always a probability, especially after Miss Grangers return and has taken steps to prevent the loss of information. However, even he cannot hold out forever against Voldemort and his minions."

"Albus," Sirius started, ignoring both the dark looks he was receiving from the others in the room and Madam Nurr's clenched hand on his thigh, "if he knew this would happen why did he go? Sound to me like he was asking to be captured. And if he was asking for it, we should just leaving him to his fate."

Ron was nodding his agreement with Sirius, until Neville kicked him in the leg.

"Black..." The Headmaster's voice suddenly grew deadly cold.

"No!" Harry pushed Dumbledore's hand off his shoulder and stood, ignoring everyone else in the room, except the two who had been speaking. "Let me handle this."

Turning on his godfather, Harry looked at him with disgust. "Who was the one to save me from the Dursley’s when I was barely alive? Who was the one to sit by my bed and ease me out of the coma I had sunk into? Who was the one who took the time and the care to heal the whip marks, belt marks, cuts, bruises, broken bones and burns that I had suffered? Who was the one who eased the pain of the violent rape I had suffered? Who was the one who convinced me that I didn't deserve to be treated like that? Who was the one who held me while I cried... for hours? While I cursed the world? Who taught me to trust again? To LOVE?" He was breathing heavily, one finger pressed against Sirius' chest. "I'll tell you who Sirius Black. It sure as hell wasn't you," he ground out. "The ONLY person to do ALL of that was Severus Snape. And you..." his voice broke, "you will NOT leave my husband and the father of my child to die at the hands of those monsters!" The last came out as an order, his face hard, yet tears flowed down his cheeks.

The room went still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have completed, I hope to continue someday

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net and on my personal website. Slowly but surely moving stuff over here.


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